Wow.

Hey guys!
It's been a long time. Too long, in fact. I won't bore you with excuses, instead, I'll give you a synopsis of what's been going on these last few months.

November brought with it not only a broken laptop, but increasing crippling anxiety in regards to my job. I was in that job for 6 and a half years and I loathed every second of it. So when I finally got offered an out, an opportunity somewhere else, I took it and I didn't look back. I took a job at a car accessory and parts place, being completely honest with the boss that I didn't know anything about cars, nor did I drive, and they hired me anyway. I was also honest in telling them that I was going away at the start of December for a music festival, and they hired me anyway. So I started the job on the 25th of November with high hopes and high morale. On my very first day, it was all turned upside down. I accepted the job under the impression that I would be working the checkouts, but I was then told I would be working the floor, and the floor only. Looking back, I should have said something there and then about my displeasure of being forced into a situation I was not only uncomfortable with, but had no knowledge of what I was selling. After about 2 weeks, it was time for my holidays, and Bert and I traveled to Melbourne for the very first time to go to Stereosonic, which is a music festival. We were in Melbourne for 5 days, and it was wonderful. The music festival went for 2 days, and we had 3 days to relax and shop and enjoy somewhere where we'd never been before. We came back from the festival on a wednesday, and then I had 3 more days off before I went back to work. After going back, I thought things were going pretty well - I was starting to get the hang of my section (which was seat covers and accessories) and I felt like things were picking up and going well. However the days dragged. As you can well imagine the pace of a grocery store compared to a car shop, the pace was the hugest adjustment I had to make. I was working full time hours on my feet every single week, which I had never done before. Then one morning, right before Christmas, I woke up with a spur on the back of my ankle. I was in excruciating pain and couldn't forth, and then, unwillingly and unfortunately I had my first sick day of my new job. I felt absolutely terrible, as I wanted so badly to make a good impression, but the pain was too much to bear. It was a wednesday that I had off, and I had thursdays and fridays off every week so I had 3 days to recover, and I did. Then came Christmas and Boxing Day. I was meant to work Boxing Day but on my first day one of the bosses asked if that was okay, and I told her I had made plans, and if there was any way I could swap it with anyone I could swap with, and if not, then it wasn't that big of a drama and I would be happy to work it. So I did swap with someone, and every one made out as if it wasn't a worry. After my Christmas break, things gradually went downhill. I still needed a lot of help, as I came into the job knowing literally nothing. I could tell people were getting more and more frustrated with me everytime I had to ask a question. They were all short, unhelpful and rude. Then came my "one month review". Now I won't bore you with the specifics, but to cut a long story short, they told me that I seemed like I was struggling and wasn't picking things up very well. I thought this was bizarre, because if that had noticed that, then why wasn't help offered? Why wasn't more training offered? When I brought this up, they said "You haven't asked for it" and at that stage, I was pretty much really unhappy with the whole place. It was bringing me down that they had blatantly seen my struggling and not so much as offered to help or drop the rudeness when I did ask for help. I had just come from a job that treated me like shit, and I wasn't about to go through it all again. The crippling anxiety then reared it's ugly head, and I had a few more sick days as I would wake up vomiting and shaking and crying just at the thought of the day I was about to have. I didn't fit in, everyone was unwilling to help and it made me numb. I was so happy to leave my previous job that it damn near broke me to go into something that treated me the exact same. On what was to be my last day at the job, I was standing in my section and I was overcome by an anxiety attack. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't stop shaking. I couldn't be at the place anymore. So I told my supervisor I needed to go, and I needed to get out. I knew there and then I needed to quit. So I came home from work and cried and cried in bed for hours - for what was I going to do without a job? Without an income? Around lunch time, the boss called me and I talked to him for 10 minutes on the phone. We then organised for me to go have a meeting with him the next morning. So I woke up with not even the motivation to do my hair and makeup, and I went in. I considered asking if I could stay on as casual, but in the meeting I realised that I couldn't be there any more. So the meeting finished, I left and that was that. For the first time in 7 years I was unemployed. That happened toward the end of January. It's now the 15th of February and not much has changed. I still don't have a job, but I'm trying to be okay with it. I'm only 20 years old, and I've been working for 7 years with no break. No time after school to figure out what I want to do. I should not be suffering from things like this already. So I'm having what I'm calling "Emma time" where I'm going to reflect, and work things out and figure out my life. While I am a bit worried about not having an income, I'm enjoying having a break from everything for a while. It has been desperately needed, it's just unfortunate that I had to go through so much to realise that.

On a brighter note, I had a wonderful Christmas, brought in the New Year with my wonderful boyfriend, got an iPhone 5, got a MacBook as a surprise present off Bert, made plans for the future and just spent a wonderful 3 days with him for our anniversary and Valentines Day where I was surprised with a gorgeous silver ring with a pink stone in the shape of a love heart.

Well.
That turned out the be a longer spiel than I had planned. Oh well. Now you know my story. Hopefully now that I have a lot of spare time on my hands, you'll be seeing a lot more of me!