Every thing I can't say.

So, September 7th marks one year. One year, since the worst day of my life. One year, since my fiance and love of my life, left me. While a little over a month later (October 13th, to be exact) we found our way back to each other and have been together ever since, there is still an air of depression and anxiety hanging over me.

I am fucking terrified.

I'm scared to let go, I'm scared to hold on. I'm scared it's going to happen again. I'm scared to let my guard down, because I'm scared that the second I do, something will happen to disappoint me all over again.

While he hasn't given me any reason to doubt him, I still can't help but second guess. I am so broken. I was broken even before he met me, but now... it's even worse. While I have forgiven him, I still doubt him. The situation last year was equally both of our faults. Yes he came back, but he left to begin with, and it was easy. No matter how bad things got, I would never leave him. I would stand by his side through every dark moment, every dark thought, every thing. He couldn't do that, and lately, things have been getting bad again. If he leaves again, it will destroy me.

This makes no sense.

I'm tired, sad, and anxiety ridden.

I'm sorry.

Hey everyone!

I thought I would start off my blog with just a quick little about me.
My name is Emma, I am 20 years old and I am currently living in NSW, Australia. I am a plus size girl, and am an advocate for other plus size girlies struggling with their bodies. I am a happy, funny, exuberant and loving person. I am obsessed with make up, and made my own beauty channel on youtube but I'm struggling to make videos currently. I hope that I'll get there eventually. I would describe my style as dark, punk rock, grunge, but who am I to put labels on anything?
I have a wonderful, loving boyfriend who I plan on marrying one day.